Good afternoon, you guys!~
I haven't posted here for the longest time, I know~
But now I have a buncha news that I have to write down, so!~

Honestly, I don't even know where to start~~
Well, I guess I'll start with Megacon! xD

Yesterday was the second day of Megacon, an anime convention we have every year here in Orlando - a Saturday. I usually always go on Saturdays, when I can't stay for all three days (which is almost always).
Well, Mega is getting bigger by the year, and I'm not gonna lie, I don't really like it. I know I'm fairly new to the con, this year being only my fourth time there, but even then, three or four years ago, the conw as much smaller, and they weren't so... mainstream. It's getting annoying, really. It's like they're slowly drifting from what the con really is about...
So now that I'm older and not much into anime anymore, I don't have many reasons to go to anime conventions anymore, other than to see some people I only get to see once a year (you'd be surprised to know how many people from other cities and states show up at these things), the famous Rave on saturday night, and for some random reasons that change every year, like which famous people are attending *cough cough Voltaire <3*

When I talked to my cousin friday night to ask if he had some money to spare, and he asked me what for and I answered for the con, he looked at me disapprovingly and said "You haven't grown up yet, have you?"
Well, let's be truthful here, not many people that I live around actually expect an 18-year-old about to go to College to be attending anime cons... but hey~
I guess since I've been attending these things ever since I was 12, now they think it's little kids stuff... it annoys me a little, but I force myself to not care much. I'm actually kinda glad my parents think it's kids stuff... if they KNEW what really goes on at cons and at raves, I doubt they'd even want me going anymore xD

But, if you look at it from another perspective. I don't really want to grow up just yet. I feel like there's a lot that I missed out on, a lot that I lost already, that no child should've lost, and if I have the chance to be myself, and act young, and be stupid and funny around my friends, and go to things like anime cons... then hey, I'll take that chance. I personally think there's nothing wrong with it.
It just makes me sad that my cousin and my mother and others from my family, and adults in general, want me to grow up already, way too fast, way too soon... for them, "fun" doesn't exist, an adult shouldn't have fun...
And I always feel the need to tell them that, if becoming an adult means I'll lose myself to being responsible all the time, serious all the time, stressed, busy, sad, all the time, without even one chance to let myself go and be myself, find my inner child again... then I don't think I ever WANT to grow up.

Well, bleh... whatever about them. I am who I am, and there's no changing that. I'm working to be able to change for the better. Be a better person. And I think that, for now, that should suffice.

Anyways! Back to the con! Yes! :'D
Christian ( ) ended up sleeping over on Friday night so we could get picked up by Derek's mom to take us to the con. We ended up leaving a little later than expected, so as a result, we were stuck in a HORRIBLE traffic on the way to International Drive (that is one of the most famous and busy entertainment places of Orlando, for those of you who are not from here - it's a road, a loooong road, not a building). MegaCon is always held at the Orlando Convention Center, which is at International Drive... I think?
Well, anyways! Really bad traffic. We were stopped for over half an hour until we decided to do something about. We were stopped at exactly the mile sign to our destination, when people in our car started to say that "If we walked, I bet we'd get there faster than all these cars!". The conversation just kept on going, and I said I was up for it, and everyone else was like "hell yea, let's go!", so we got out of the car, got our bags from the trunk, and started walking 8D
It was really funny, we were waving to all the people in the cars we passed by, and we must've passed at LEAST 60 to 70 cars stopped by traffic. I even found some of my friends who were also stopped in traffic, and they were like "Wait up, I'm joining you!" xDD
So I made a video with my digital camera, but it messed up so there's no sound
Which, I believe, didn't really make a big difference, because it was SO damn windy, we wouldn't have been able to hear anything BUT the wind, anyways.
I'm gonna upload the video to my YouTube soon, so if you feel like checking it, here's my account:
[link]
(I'm sorry for the sound!! ><;; )

Well, we finally got there, after god knows how long walking, and much faster than the cars indeed, and had to wait in an even bigger line to get our tickets. MegaCon has really become popular! Not in my previous three years I had to go through so huge a line before D:
But I got some pretty nice pictures of awesome cosplayers and all, so I'm happy <3
(those are going into a new album on my myspace, so if you feel like taking a look, just let me know who you are and I'll give you my myspace so you can add me)
Well, most of the day was spend pretty much worrying about a lotta shit we shouldn't have worried about xD
The very first thing me and Christian did as SOON as we got our tickets was run straight to the Dealer's Room and buy two boxes of Pocky and a Ramune~ (that's Japanese candy [link] and Japanese soda [link] )

I watched a Q&A of Voltaire, and later on got some pictures with him, and almost exploded with happiness that he remembered me from Screamfest last year <3
I also gave him our unwanted unopened bag of Baked Lays, and he was really happy~ xDD
(I bet then he was thinking it's one of the advantages of being famous - fans give you food for free, haha)
I wasted my last five bucks on one of his posters, too, and he told me it was a waste of money, and I told him it wasn't ><;;
It looks really pretty on my door now 8D

Well, afterwards, we went to McDoodoo's (Christian's nickname for McDonalds) to eat, change into our Rave attires, and walk back to the convention center in the sheer cold of the night, while I wore only a really thin top with a sport bra under it, and a mini black skirt~
Oh, the things we do for cons~

The Rave this year really wasn't that great =/
They made us wait for almost two hours outside, and the crowd was getting so angry and loud, that the security was threatening to throw us all out~ (I was already without my voice by then, so I just sat in my corner and waited xD)
It was madness when they finally opened the doors~ Everybody was pushing to get in, hundreds and hundreds of people clustered into one tiny space (the doors), and I just stood apart and waited~ xD
Plus, the music was horrible. They didn't even play real techno! Just that stupid junk with absolutely no beat. It also wasn't loud enough to hear =/
So I couldn't find a beat to dance to it, it was really bad.

But I found my friend Chris there, and he's into Capoeira, a Brazilian fighting style that is also a dance, and I sat down and watched him and his friends doing it, because I miss watching it so much~
I used to see many people doing Capoeira back when I was little and lived in Brazil, it's a really beautiful form of art~
For a little background history, Capoeira was made up by the slaves brought to Brazil from Africa in the old times, to keep themselves fit and healthy and stuff, and to be able to keep their fighting skills in case they needed it, to run away or something, but they didn't want their masters to find out that they were fighting (they'd get whipped for it), so they made it look like it was just dancing.
So Capoeira ended up being a really beautiful choreographed fighting style~
But anyways! xD

Well, the good thing is that I also found my entire group of friends from Winter Park High School, the theater kids from there, and I commented "funny how I find everybody from Winter Park here, and no one from Boone High!", and my friend replied "Heh, well, what does THAT say about Boone, then?" xD
One of the guys from there who just joined their theater troupe this year is really cute, I had my eyes on him since Districts Competition, but everything I tried, the guy wouldn't get a clue... >>;;
So I said, ah, what the hell, go for it, so I straight out asked him if he had a girlfriend, and at first he said he didn't, but then he turned to me again and said "Oh, wait... well... yeah, kinda..." And I said "Kinda?", he replied "Yeah, sorry"
So I got mad and walked away. He could've at least been truthful and said he wasn't interested >>;
But a girl's gotta know when she's not wanted :<

And there were some things throughout the day that I was feeling bad about, and I guess the fact I couldn't force myself to have fun at the rave just made it all worse, so I sat down in a corner all alone, like an idiot, and let my thoughts over flood my head again, so I started getting all sad again.
And I was thinking things like "I'm such a horrible person", and "How nice it would be if a good-looking guy would come and sit by me and start a conversation or something... but how can I even dare to hope?! I don't deserve anything nice right now..."

And then, out of the blue, this really hot guy came to me and asked "Is this place by you taken?" and I said "No..."
Him - "Can I sit here, then?"
Me - "Yeah, of course, go ahead"
So he came, sat down, spent a few seconds silent by me, then asked my name. xD
Well, let's just say, I more than welcomed the prospect of talking to someone new then, so we just started talking.
His name was Dexter, by the way. (the only reason I remembered was thanks to the old cartoon show, Dexter's Laboratory xDD)
We danced together a little, and walked around a little, all the water was gone, so we sat down again, and talked more.
I told him things about me, how I wanted to pursue a career in theater, and things about my past plays, and he told me things about himself, too, how he's in his second year of college, going into medicine, and all, which I found extremely interesting, taking the fact my first boyfriend was in his first year of college also going into medicine, before he got shot.
He sounded smart enough, and he could hold an intelligent conversation - if he couldn't, I would've walked away from him soon enough.
He told me tales about the hospital he works at, about how this guy he was treating died, and I asked him how he had felt about it...
I was somehow relating the tale to how it must've been after my first boyfriend got to the hospital that night on April 1st, and died the next morning...
I think I must've been starting tears without noticing, cuz he put his hands on my face and said "Ah, no, don't cry", and I was like "What? I'm not crying"
But yeah, in the end, it turned out I had a pretty good time.
I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself... I'm just human, after all.

But soon enough we all had to leave, and I ended up finding out he lives all the way down in Miami... :<
He asked for my number, and I asked "Well... are you gonna call?"
He paused for a second, looked back at me, and said "Yes."
So I gave it to him.

I'd rather he has my number, so it's his choice to call or not. If he does, so much the better, but if he doesn't, I'm not gonna kill myself over it.
Let's just hope I was interesting enough for him to want to call me back.

To be completely honest, I was just looking for a one-night thing yesterday. I in no way wanted to find someone then, and keep in touch. It sounds pretty bad, I know, but...
It's complicated.
I feel like there's two Belles inside me: the Good Belle, and the Bad Belle.
Most of the time, Good Belle takes over. She's the kind of girl who puts her values above everything else, who tells only the truth, who wants to become a better person, and pursue knowledge, and help people out, the girl who still mourns for her first boyfriend and is completely unable to let any other guy in because of that. I kinda compare her with a Christian. The good kind of Christian.
But sometimes, Bad Belle comes out. Sometimes she's not on her worst behavior, but sometimes she can be really bad. She's the kind of girl who just wants to say "screw the world, screw everything", and she wants to just be herself, go and be crazy, and she asks me constantly "What's so wrong about that? Why care about what other people think? Why not be rebellious for once?". She's the one that lies, that thinks bad about people, gets annoyed easily, in contrast to Good Belle, who's very patient. Bad Belle tells me that anime cons and raves are her territory.
I spent the entire day fighting her away, which is the reason why I ended up sad at the rave. Bad Belle does and thinks things that makes Good Belle feel awful about.
Bad Belle doesn't know about my first boyfriend's death, she makes me forget it, and she whispers in my ear that if things in life are nowhere close to looking better, then there's really nothing else to do than go out there and kiss every single guy available, make my looks and my body tools, and show guys that they can be used by girls, too, and they can be hurt as badly as they hurt girls. Bad Belle doesn't even mind kissing girls, either. She tells me it's "free love for all".
Good Belle shakes her head vigorously at all those thoughts, she's revolted and repulsed by all of it. You're a girl of values!, she tells me. Don't go off making out with guys you've just met an hour ago! Take care of your body. Keep your virginity. It's not time yet. One day, it'll all pay off and one day you'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are, and for all the values you kept...

It's like a constant war in my head. Most of the time it's really not that bad, I've learned to keep Bad Belle well asleep inside, but some days she wakes up and refuses to go back to sleep, and she's rested for so long and so well, that she's too powerful for me to keep at bay...
She was the one yesterday saying to me "You're a teenager too, you NEED these kinds of things! You surely don't expect to have your next kiss on your wedding day, do you?"

~sighs~
But! I've written so much already. I should really stop. >_>;

Well, we left, then, and got home at around two in the morning.
THE END!