Wow thats deep.

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Needs more Larry.

I'm Sushie in DA's Paper Mario 1 Crew!

Thank you

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I don't need a man to make me happy.
If I can't be happy without one, believe me, I'll never be happy WITH one.

Thank you
I think the best things come from the bottom of our hearts.

He was my first boyfriend, my first love.

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I don't need a man to make me happy.
If I can't be happy without one, believe me, I'll never be happy WITH one.

I can't imagine one's first love ending in such a painful way. Sorry to hear that. I lost my Dad to cancer 3 years ago but it was surreal to be with him watching him worsen and eventually to be with him during his last breath. Of course, I would never have been anywhere else but there.

It doesn't sound like he was ill -- perhaps an accident, or something and he didn't suffer, but you did in greiving. At least your life was touched by love and even though shortened by ill fate it impacted the rest of your life. You're already a better person for having been through it.

And also, I personally believe that spirits can visit us in our dreams. I mean, why not? Psychic mediums often only hear or see ghosts in their heads (even if occassionally there is audible or visual confirmation) so why not in your dreams? Lots of times I've heard physics say that loved ones do visit us in our dreams. I would imagine, if your not "sensitive" to paranormal stuff then how else do they come thru to us BUT in our dreams? It's an open door to the subconscious not cluttered or jaded with reality. So y'all come on in! lmao!

Just about 2 wks after my Dad died, I was at work and out of no where I smelled his cologne. Very strongly and very close to me. And just like that, it disappeared in a few seconds. But it was real to me. I mean, the scent was distinctly him. I've never had that since, but I wish I would. I loved the smell of his cologne.

Perhaps the dream came because you still really wish he were here. You haven't really let go in a way so he will "still visit". My mom has some eery psychic ability to sense some stuff but I don't and she feels that people subconsciously get affected on days that past events occurred...for example, a day you broke up with somebody may in the future always be a hard day for you even if 20 yrs later, you can't really remember why. Like your mood might be sad or upset for no reason. But subconsciously, your brain remembers the past.

Ok so I chat a lot! LOL It's the aspiring author within. Anyway, enjoy the visit you rec'd in your dream (whether it was just a dream or some sort of ghostly visit, lol). It's the closest you'll get to him again. Cherish it.

I'm sorry about your dad
I was never really close to my dad, never lived with him, and I haven't seen him for five years, nor talked to him for over a year.
But still, if he died now, it would still be a blow. D:
And having to watch as he withered away........
I'm so sorry! You have my compassion. ~hugs~
It must have been really painful.

About my first love, he was by the door to his house, when two guys high on marijuana robbed him and shot him on the head.
From what I've heard, it was nothing but quick.
He was taken to the hospital that night, and the medics spent the entire night trying to save him, and when came morning, he finally passed away.
He was shot on April 1st, but only really died on April 2nd.
It was a few days away from his 21st birthday too...

About the scent, I've had a similar experience O_O
Thiago's hair always smelled of Peach. I loved that smell, it was sweet and calming. Rarely, I sometimes smell it around, and remember him, although it's probably something that smells of Peach, and not actually his spirit coming back

But what happened was... the night of April 1st, I was a sophomore in high school, and it was a Show Night (I was in Theater). I was working backstage, and I was fine, but a few minutes after intermission, I felt this horrible sadness looming over me, and I felt like crying, for no reason.
I stepped outside, during the show, and tears fell down my cheeks, and I looked at the sky, not knowing where the sadness had come from.
A friend came to fetch me, and she even asked why the hell I was crying, and I told her I didn't know.
For the rest of the night, I had a horrible feeling in my chest, and I didn't wanna go to the Show's after party, because of the feeling - I thought something bad was gonna happen.

I got home on Sunday, April 3rd, to find out he had died.
They told me the exact time he was shot, and it turned out to be the exact time I felt the sudden sadness, and stepped outside to cry.
The feeling stayed with me for the whole night, and when morning came, the feeling left me. It was the moment he died.

I was always somewhat sensitive to things like that, so it doesn't really surprise me, but...
I'm glad at least I could feel what was going on with him at that moment.
I feel like I was closer to him.

Maybe, at that moment, he came by to give me a goodbye kiss...

~sighs~

No worries about writing a lot, I end up writing a lot too xD

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I don't need a man to make me happy.
If I can't be happy without one, believe me, I'll never be happy WITH one.

What a tragic ending. Such senseless crime because I'm guessing those idiots hardly got much cash from your boyfriend -- although how can you put a dollar value on life, anyway? That's really the worst. And for you, not having a chance to say goodbye really sucks. Even though I had 3 months of knowing my Dad was dying, and watching him wither away was hard, at least I had that opportunity. You didn't. But obviously you loved him very much that you could feel something was wrong instinctively, even though you were no where near him at the time. In some ways, despite how awful you were feeling knowing something was wrong but not quite knowing what it was, your brain was preparing you for bad news. It's amazing how that could happen. Because when you heard the news, you knew something was wrong. Imagine if you didn't have that feeling and it came as 100% shock. Not that hearing what happened wasn't extremely shocking anyways.

I've never spoken to anyone that I know of who has experienced losing somebody that way. Most people I know have had elderly parents or grandparents pass away or, mostly in my family, and extended family, and a few friends too, we have had cancer take loved ones from us. Even my cat probably died as a result of Leukemia. Oh wait I just remembered my birth mother's boyfriend had a 23 year old son who just overdosed -- haven't heard if it was accidental yet or not.

I was quite close to my (adoptive) Dad for many years but the 4 years before he was diagnosed with cancer, he was back together with his 2nd ex-wife (not my adoptive mother) who was a "snag-a-bag-a-saurus". A real monster who controlled him and he sacrificed pretty much everything, from his kids to his 30 yr business, to try to satisfy her. I tolerated her when they were married for a few years but it really declined over the years. When they divorced I was thrilled. But she harassed him back into another relationship and I couldn't tolerate it. He knew the consequence that myself and one of my brother's would not stand by him if he was with her (my brother had married the monster's daughter -- another monster -- and yes, father married mother and son married daughter -- but my brother was engaged before my Dad got engaged to the mother). Anyway, point is, I had been very much estranged from my Dad for 4 years. My oldest brother, who had supported the relationship, came to me 2 weeks before Christmas and told me he was dying. It was devastating. I knew I would obviously be with him, but at the same time the first 6 weeks of being back in his life meant having to deal with the past 4 years of issues. He had finally, upon diagnosis, ended things with the monster. But there was much pain to forgive knowing he had chosen that freak over 2 of his children. And there are other issues too, but that's a lifetime of therapy! lol!

However, in spite of all those problems, I was thankful to have been given time to make amends as best as I could. It's still hard to believe he's gone forever. Sometimes I really wish he were there to help me with business stuff or just to go out boating. I loved him all those years but I couldn't support a decision I knew was horribly wrong for him. I had hoped my decision (which I clearly told him about before we were estranged) would make him sit up and realize he had to be strong and leave the relationship for his own good, not just because I didn't like the woman. In the end, he realized the mistake.

But back to your boyfriend ... I think it's really beautiful that you said "Maybe, at that moment, he came by to give me a goodbye kiss..." I think that's just beautiful. I would keep on to that thought for the rest of my life. It's special. And it's nice to think that even if you couldn't be there, that maybe your energies were together at that time.

I can only imagine that it must have taken a long time to recover from the situation. And I'm sure his birthday those few weeks later was horrendous to endure. Perhaps your recent dream is derived from the closeness of his birthday. You may not have thought about him consciously but the day came and went and your subconscious knew about it. And if he visited you in your dream, it makes sense to not do it on the actual day or his birthday but close to that time; especially since you weren't physically with him at the time. I'm sure he'd rather you dream of him on an average day instead of on his memorial.

I hope that over the years you keep him in your heart always and remember the wonderful times you shared. He changed your life when you were together. And when he left, he made you stronger and more sensitive. I'm sure you appreciate life a lot more and value it's fleeting moments more. You know how things can change in a heartbeat. And for that, every decision you make will be purposeful...whether you think so or not.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's what we call it the present.

Ah.... your dad's story reminds me of my older sister's.
Like him, she also got into a very abusive relationship, about four years ago, with this other brazilian guy who also lived here in the US.
He put us both through a lot of hard times.
It was back when I was a freshman in high school and had just moved to US to live with my sister (who's 9 years older than me).
They started dating, and eventually, she let him come live with us.
It was a nightmare.
They'd go out to party, and he'd come back home so drunk, he'd be completely out of it. He'd yell, and cause fights, and it wasn't so bad in the beginning, until he started threatening her, and beating her.
One time, he came home drunk from one of his parties, and set the entire kitchen on fire. I woke up to my sister's screams, in the middle of the night, and all I saw was the fire consuming the place. We had to run through it to get to the door of the apartment, and get out.
Somehow, only the kitchen burned.
Several times, he tried killing her.
Eventually, we found out he also did cocaine. AND he was a thief.
He stole people's credit cards, and cloned them, used them up to the very last cent, and didn't have to pay for anything out of his own pocket.
He actually rarely worked.
I think what dragged my sister in so much was the fact that he could buy her so many possessions, things she had never had before (because we were never exactly rich).
But throughout the next year (my passing from 9th to 10th grade) we found out even more about his past.
He had stabbed a man, when he still lived in Brazil, and came to US as a fugitive.
Unfortunately, by that time, my sister was already pregnant with his kid.
By the end of that first year, when she had found out she was pregnant, he was finally sent to jail (he had taken over our apartment, with a gun, and we couldn't go back cuz he was threatening to kill us), and he also had my dog... which he also threatened to kill.
We called 911, and the police got there and arrested him.
He spent a while in jail, but one morning, my sister came home and confessed she had gone and paid for him to get out.............
Well, but eventually, I moved to Orlando, where I still am now, with my step dad, and my sister went back to Brazil with her newborn baby.
She's still together with the monster... sometimes I hear some news, but I prefer to ignore it for the most part.
She used to be my idol, and I used to look up to her a lot.
Now... I kinda don't wanna see her.

I'm sorry about everything that happened with your dad. At least he realized his mistake before he died, and that at least should be a plus.
I honestly don't understand how some people do these things, leave everything they care about behind, to be with someone who's clearly doing them bad... I just don't get it...

Thank you for everything you've told me
You're right...
The first night that I found out he was dead, I was in such deep shock, I tried suicide. My sister stayed awake the entire night, keeping an eye on me, and kept me from doing it.
After I survived the first night, I started thinking differently.
I decided I never wanted to make ANYONE suffer the same I was suffering. It was such a horrible feeling, I wouldn't wish it even for the worst of my enemies.
So, ironically enough, the death of someone taught me to stop thinking about suicide.

It made me mature a little more, too, or at least I hope so...

♥

--
I don't need a man to make me happy.
If I can't be happy without one, believe me, I'll never be happy WITH one.